once upon a time there was a colorblind boy who didn’t understand that people were actually made of more colors than he could see. he assumed everyone was colorless and all the colorful people hated him for it and were awful to him. he found his place in the world when he met a nice group of colorless people who didn’t have to be offended and so weren’t awful to him.
once upon a time there was a tree that lived in a forest. when it spoke to its tree-friends it was often confusing because since trees cannot turn or make eye contact, it was often unclear to whom it was speaking. it would say one thing to one tree and a different tree would answer. this caused a lot of inconvenience for everyone involved. so this tree only spoke the things that applied to all of the other trees, so that any other tree could answer anything this tree said. it was hard work and all the other trees were grateful for it. (it may or may not have been worth it.)
once upon a time there was a tiny baby whose mother took care of it. when it moved out and its mother could no longer take care of it it found other people to take care of it. when these people became fed up with taking care of it because it wasn’t their responsibility, it found other people. in this way it lived for a long, long time. as it moved through its long, long life it changed its personal style, dressing differently and styling its makeup differently and changing its expression, but it still looked like a baby—it never managed to grow up either metaphorically or literally.
once upon a time, in the future, there was a magical tiger that lived on the moon. it was the ultimate font of wisdom and it dealt only in immaterial goods. people would come to the tiger and make requests of it: “O great tiger, reassure me that I will love my baby and be able to take care of it,” “O great tiger, advise me whether or not to have sex with this boy,” “O great tiger, tell me I am correct in believing everything that I believe.” because it was on the moon, far away from earth, because it was magical, because it was wise, and because it became well-known, only the very richest and most well-connected individuals could seek wisdom from the tiger.
soon the tiger became fucking fed up with their petty requests and moved to saturn.
but the people who wished for wisdom from the tiger, instead of attempting to gain the wisdom on their own, used all their energy to find faster ways to saturn.
once upon a time there was a girl who had 3 brains, 8 eyes, 8 ears, and the softest softest skin. because of this she was very sensitive and everything in the world felt abrasive and hostile to her. but she so loved being alive because sometimes, with her 3 brains, 8 eyes, 8 ears, and softest softest skin, she got to experience the most wonderful things that saturated her completely. her friends would sometimes ask her to come to the movies with them but since movies are made for people with 1 brain, 2 eyes, 2 ears, and skin of average softness, it was incredibly painful for her to be there as all of the light waves and sound waves thrashed against her for hours straight. she did it anyway, though, because she loved her friends, and tried her best not to let on how much it hurt her. she ended up going to the movies every day with her friends and would come home and collapse, too tired to saturate herself with the world she loved. eventually, after years of this, her body was so exhausted from this that she died, full of regrets.
the ignorance project: only an expert in faking being an expert
once upon a time there was a very intelligent, knowledgeable, successful man who suddenly realized that, really, he didn’t know anything about anything. he realized that he had been faking his expertise. he had been faking his knowledge and abilities. and because people believed that he truly had them (though he did not), and he believed other people, he believed himself to have them, too. and really, he realized, nobody knew anything about anything, and they were all mostly faking everything.
and then he came to the conclusion that that was ok. he decided that ignorance should be treasured and explored rather than brushed aside to make room for more faking. seeing that ignorance has depths, he resolved to plumb those depths. he decided to embark on a project that he called The Ignorance Project.
he went out to accomplish tasks or do things or try professions for which he did not have the requisite skills.
he learned much, he met many
he still didn’t know anything about anything, really
he rose to the top of small industries, obscure fields, he entered into more prominent positions, learned how to more efficiently fake more skills. during the years of The Ignorance Project he was called out on his actual ignorance, but only rarely.
eventually he was killed in an accident involving machinery with which he was unfamiliar (having deftly convinced all associated parties that he was, as always, an expert)
-(he told me that) they say that people sitting in forward-facing seats on the train are more likely to think of the future, and people sitting in backward-facing seats are more likely to think of the past
-(with this in mind) i sat in a seat on the train that was facing backwards and turned myself around, sitting with my back against the seat in front, my legs knotted on my own seat’s cushion, so that i was met with the forward view
-(and i recited like an incantation) fuck the past, fuck the future
once upon a time there was a rain goddess who was banished by the other gods for doing some out-of-line bullshit that nobody even remembers and when she finally managed to return it rained all over the world forever and everyone rejoiced